I was married for 18 years and I have been divorced for over 20 years. My ex-wife and I both recently retired from federal government jobs, and have comfortable retirements. I talked with her last night at a family function.
When we were married, she worked part time for a few years. Last night she told me that the part-time work lowered her Social Security payments and that she should have been compensated for that during the divorce settlement.
The legal aspect aside, what are your thoughts on this?
The Ex-Husband
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Dear Ex-Husband,
That all should have come out in the wash 20 years ago.
Yes, you’re right that her divorce lawyer should have represented her in a way that was fair and, as far as she sees it, equitable. But that was not your responsibility then and it’s not your responsibility now. That was your ex-wife’s responsibility to get the deal that she wanted and, even if it fell short, to voice her joys and concerns at the time.
Harking back to what she wished had happened in divorce court 20 years ago at a family event is bad manners. It’s also not your rodeo. If your ex-wife is stuck on a financial issue and believes she should have gotten more alimony, real estate or cash, that’s her issue to deal with in 2025, not yours. You’re not going to make a withdrawal two decades later (I hope).
Judges should take into account what each part brought to the marriage in terms of finance and time. “Clearly, a stay-at-home mom or dad who last worked 30 years ago and doesn’t have any skills that are in high demand will see a different outcome in court than a parent with a degree who has regularly held jobs during the marriage,” says the Alatsas Law Firm in Brooklyn, N.Y.
Financial considerations
“After the divorce is finalized, you may experience difficulties finding suitable employment, especially if you have a gap of years or decades in your resume. In families with multiple children, the simple cost of child care alone may be more than many entry-level positions offer as an hourly wage,” the law firm adds.
The law firm outlines a litany of factors that judges take into account, including employment history, marital property and the length of the marriage. “If the relationship lasted decades and you were a homemaker for most or all of that time, you are more likely to be awarded support than if the marriage was only a few months or even years long,” it says.
Blaming other people, even implicitly, for your own financial decisions is not good practice if you want a healthy, happy life.
“A judge will likely rule differently in a divorce involving younger children who need constant supervision than one impacting an older teenager who may be leaving the nest soon anyway. Kids who are disabled, have special needs or will otherwise be negatively impacted by the parent leaving for eight hours a day will all be taken into account by the court,” it adds.
Here’s the hard truth: Few people come out of a divorce better off. You were responsible for your divorce settlement and your ex-wife was responsible for hers. Blaming other people, even implicitly, for your own financial decisions is not good practice if you want a healthy, happy life where you look forward to beginning life anew with gratitude and contentment.
Spousal benefits
The Social Security Administration will look at your wife’s 35 highest-earning years to determine her Social Security benefits. Given that you were married for 10 years, she would also qualify for 50% of the value of your Social Security (it would not reduce your actual monthly payment) if that’s more than what she would otherwise receive; obviously, she must be at retirement age.
She will get 100% of her Social Security benefit at full retirement age, which is 67 for anyone born in 1960 or after, and she would receive a lesser amount if she claimed at any time from the age of 62 until full retirement age. If she waited until age 70, your ex-wife would receive roughly 8% more per year. With divorce, you are no longer responsible for her financial decisions.
There’s a strong argument for holding out. Almost all American workers age 45 to 62 should wait until beyond age 65 to collect Social Security, according to this working paper from researchers at Boston University and the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta. More than 90% of people should wait until they reach the age of 70, yet only 10.2% appear to do so, they noted.
Raise a glass to your ex-wife and wish her the best.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
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