My question is related to money etiquette rather than investing. I was always taught that if you are a guest in someone’s house, you show your appreciation by helping them: do the dishes, fix the lawn mower, mow the grass, babysit the kids, whatever you can do to thank them. Recently, my daughter’s boyfriend, who is in his early 30s, has been eating a lot of meals at my house.
He has a great job and also does powerwashing on the side. During his last visit, he powerwashed the north side of the house and he then proceeded to eat about 75% of the salmon I prepared for dinner. After dinner, he demanded money for powerwashing.
The amount was about what I would have paid to get the whole house done, and not just one side. I was a bit surprised, but I paid him. I would have happily paid him a fair amount, but I unhappily paid him the amount he asked for. If the roles were reversed, I would not have asked him for money, especially after chowing down on $50 worth of salmon.
What are your thoughts?
The Mother
Dear Mother,
If he’s bold enough to charge you, he’s bold enough — and old enough — to have an adult conversation about his rate.
Would he charge his own mother for powerwashing one wall of her house? It’s possible that he might, but he shouldn’t. Nor should he have charged you without agreeing to a price first. If he was doing this as a favor, given that you are his girlfriend’s mother and he was in receipt of your hospitality (and salmon), he should have graciously put his equipment away, and sat down for lunch without bringing up money.
He didn’t do that because it takes all sorts to make up this world and, yes, because neither of you made it clear before he took out his hose whether he was being remunerated for his time and effort. Do I think he should have charged you? No, I don’t. Do I think there was a gray area where it was unclear whether this was an act of generosity or a side hustle? Yes, I do. The balance of scales, however, tip in your favor.
Do I think he should have charged you? No. Do I think this was a gray area? Yes.
But that gray area covers both parties. If he wanted to charge you, say $250, for powerwashing a wall on your home, you absolutely had the right to say, “That’s what I usually pay for the entire house! We should have agreed on a price ahead of time, as I assumed you were doing it as a favor. It’s fair enough for you to ask me to pay, but now we need to negotiate.”
It was easier to save your daughter’s blushes by giving this young man the price he quoted (after the fact). Trade jobs also vary wildly, depending on the tradesperson and the city in which the job is carried out. It usually costs $250 for a full-house pressure wash in Denver, but that rises to $420 in Portland, Maine, according to Angie’s List.
Powerwashing vs. pressure washing
There’s a difference between pressure washing and powerwashing; your house may have needed a heavyhanded approach. “Pressure washing is cheaper and costs between $100 and $750, whereas power washing costs from $250 to $400 on average,” Angie’s List says; power washing costs more, uses hot water and is best for patios and walkways with more grime.
Other factors affect the price: “It’s best to pressure wash your home once per year, and the best time is between March and November in most areas,” it adds. “These months rarely have temperatures that dip too low and freeze the water or damage the machines. However, demand is higher in the spring and summer, so you could experience longer wait times.”
He may regard himself as the ideal potential son-in-law: entrepreneurial and hardworking.
Finally, this could be a lot of money to a 30-year-old who needs to supplement his income with a side hustle. So while you see an opportunistic young man who overcharged you, he may regard himself as the ideal potential son-in-law: entrepreneurial and hardworking. As you say, we live in a very different world to the one where you grew up.
I’m older than your daughter’s boyfriend and, possibly, younger than you, so I can give you some perspective from both vantage points. I think he is a chancer — an opportunist — to charge you a fee without discussing it first, especially as he was a guest in your home and, as you say, helped himself to a generous portion of salmon.
Next time, give him fish sticks.
Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
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