I work as an interior designer at a boutique firm in a major metropolitan area. I earn six figures as a base salary, and a very healthy commission in addition to that.
I smile and kowtow to my clients, even though they are the extremely wealthy 1% who think I am there to cater to their every need. One woman argued about light switches. They don’t know how fortunate they are. I live in a one-bedroom condo with a terrace, but clients can spend $10,000 on an antique credenza or $5,000 on a side table. I look at their lifestyles from the outside and how money means nothing to my wealthy clients. Truth be told, my clients make me sick.
My male boss is married to a man, and I believe he would not support any employee who does not agree with his lifestyle. I am a Christian and try to live and let live. I keep my opinions to myself, but I do not condone it. Otherwise, I like him. He treats his employees well for the most part, gives us creative freedom within certain parameters, and obviously has the last say in all our design proposals. He organizes after-work drinks when he’s around, but I abstain.
‘I try to be a team player, but everyone is in each other’s business. It’s important to ensure you get your work done.’
I don’t like the petty politics that go on, and I sometimes wonder if this is a way of pitting us against each other. For example, one colleague, who is in her early 20s and has only been here two months, asked me how I created my color palette for a recent client. I appreciate that she is hungry for knowledge and advancement, but I’m 39, and I never leaned on older designers like that. I put myself through college and nobody ever handed me anything.
Another co-worker said she was, as I understood it, visiting a client when I knew for a fact that she was on a shoot for a private television campaign that was not related to her work. She took many such liberties, and it was the rest of us who would be forced to cover for her if we were asked about her whereabouts. I revealed this to a co-worker, who told our line manager, and this individual was let go shortly thereafter. It may or may not have been related.
I would like more recognition from my boss. I work 10- or 12-hour days and don’t take liberties, so I feel that she got, if not what she deserved, what she bargained for. I try to be a team player, but everyone is in each other’s business. It’s important, I believe, to ensure you get your own work done. It is a competitive industry, and every day I wake up and am careful not to phone it in. But I am constantly dismayed by how others treat the office like a social event, always popping off for lunch together (for two hours).
My coworkers would step on each other to get ahead. How do you suggest I help create a nontoxic work environment and make this a fairer and easier place to work?
Designing Woman
Dear Designing,
Maybe your coworkers are stepping around each other to get ahead.
People who are not kind to others are frequently not kind to themselves, either. Your unhappiness may not (all) be related to work. There’s no point in switching jobs if you are not free of the fear and resentment that affects how you perceive others. You feel under attack for everything from your beliefs to your position as a senior employee. It sounds like you are in pain, and if you deal with that first, you will be better positioned to put the many gifts and talents that you undoubtedly have to good use. You are obviously there for a reason. I suspect something else is going on here — anxiety, depression, melancholy, burnout — that you need to look at.
Be the change you want to see. Otherwise, I’m sorry to say, your absence might be one way to improve the company culture, and this is not the best time to jump ship without another job lined up. U.S. businesses are pulling back on hiring. You sound best suited to working on your own terms. If you decide to find a new job, start again with the assumption that not everyone is out to undermine you, steal your ideas or persecute you for your religious beliefs. If you don’t decide to quit, walk into your office tomorrow morning as if it’s your first day on a new job. See if that young designer needs help with anything. I bet she looks up to you. If she didn’t, why on earth would she ask for your help?
This is not the best time to jump ship without another job lined up. U.S. businesses are pulling back on hiring.
Your workplace is full of people who are fully intent on living their lives according to their own worldview and values, which appear to be different from your own. You are surrounded by young, energetic and ambitious people who wish to learn from a more seasoned colleague, and you have a boss who wants to foster a culture of camaraderie and inclusivity. Not everyone wants to go to a bar after work, but you can abstain from the drinks and still appreciate that he is making an effort. You could also organize an office softball team.
Your boss’s sexuality does not at all mean that he will have an issue with your religious beliefs, and he probably doesn’t view his sexuality and marriage as a lifestyle. In fact, he may even admire you for your commitment to your religion, and if you practice the principles laid out in the Bible, you may find yourself more willing and able to help out when a younger co-worker asks for your guidance and advice. This is an opportunity for you to be a leader in order to eventually pass the baton — or, in this case, the drawing board — to those coming after you.
Walk into your office as if it’s your first day on a new job. See if that young designer needs help with anything.
You’re laboring under a misapprehension: As a designer who goes into people’s homes, redoes the wiring, buys furniture and reimagines their entire living space in exchange for fees that would probably exceed the cost of the average home in the U.S., you are in fact paid to cater to their every whim. Literally, that is your job! Whether it’s light switches or toilet-roll holders, you are hired to provide a bespoke experience. I imagine this can be a stressful process and nerves can fray, and under the circumstances it’s important for both parties to be respectful.
I’d be surprised if anyone, your boss included, has an issue or has made an issue of your religious beliefs. The Civil Rights Act sets out five protected classes: race; color; religion; sex, including pregnancy, sexual orientation and gender identity; and national origin. Other laws protect workers against discrimination based on age (for employees who are 40 or older); disability; and genetic information, including family medical history, according to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. It’s important to note that the Civil Rights Act does not protect from discrimination based on political speech or political affiliation.
If you look for the negative in others, you will surely find it.
Related: April Jobs Report: Little sign of damage from tariffs
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