A friend’s cat died suddenly and she sought help for astronomical veterinary bills that topped $5,000. I felt horrible for her, as I knew her cat and their relationship was extremely special. As most people with pets could tell you, this cat came into her life at a very important time. I was heartbroken by the news.
She tried desperately to save her companion, and the vet did everything they could but it was hopeless. The bills just kept coming over that fateful 24-hour period. She set up a GoFundMe account for help paying the bills and I donated a modest sum to the overall cost and so did many of her friends, which was wonderful to see.
So here’s my question: Is it more selfless to donate anonymously or should I give my name?
Curious Friend
Dear Friend,
Step up proudly and eponymously.
While raising money is obviously the raison d’etre for the GoFundMe account, the money friends donated is only a small part of the help you provided — it may have only been 5% of the total — but the fact that she knew you were moved enough to make the donation is in this case the other 95% of the gesture. You are showing your friend that you care, that you know the pain she is going through, you are grieving alongside her, and are making sure that you are part of the financial and emotional security blanket weaved together by her friends. In other words, you are helping your friend and also encouraging others to do the same.
There are reasons why people may wish to remain anonymous when making donations, particularly when they give money to charitable organizations. Chief among those reasons, at least on paper, would be humility and a wish for privacy and security. If you were wealthy and — let’s choose a big, round number — made a $1 million donation, you might be feted by your local community and even given an award. But you would open yourself up to endless requests for cash from the organization in question. That would, in theory, result in a negative experience rather than a purely positive and altruistic one.
You face the same dilemma with your friend’s GoFundMe account as many philanthropic individuals face when giving money. The American Endowment Association, a nonprofit, says there are many valid reasons why people add their names to charitable donations. Among them: “To openly demonstrate support for a cause and charity they believe in; to encourage others to give to the particular charity; to indicate to other donors that they have vetted and have confidence in the charity [and] to enable charities to more easily get additional donations as part of a matching challenge or a paddle-raise at an event.”
Social cues and the collective good
Others argue that it’s more beneficial for the collective good to put your name to a donation. “The social norm of giving anonymously is impeding social progress,” according to GivingWhatYouCan.org, which aims to encourage people to give 10% of their income to charitable causes. “We would be better off as a society if we moved past this norm and instead gave publicly,” it adds. “The idea of doing good things in the service of ‘pure’ altruism does seem admirable. If we see a chance to help others, we ought to be motivated to do it regardless of any praise we might get, right?”
In fact, a recent experiment on social cues found that people are more likely to give more due to social pressure than voluntary altruism. The study, published last year in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, allowed participants to form their own decision on how much money to donate to a charity based on a program’s average donation amount, and were encouraged to make a second donation with additional pressure. Their donations fluctuate up and down in tandem with the cues. “Social pressure was the main psychological incentive for behavioral changes in response to social information,” the researchers concluded.
The rich and poor can both afford to be humble, although some members of the 1% do appear to have their names on hospitals and museums. I’m reminded of an episode of HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” the satirical comedy show that recently finished its 12-season run broadcast over 24 years, where Larry David’s character publicly donates a wall to an art gallery, while Ted Danson’s character anonymously donates a wall in the same gallery. Of course, Danson tells one person that he is behind the anonymous donation and word quickly spreads that he is not only generous, but a paragon of selflessness and humility.
In your case, however, it will help your friend to know you stepped up.
The Moneyist regrets he cannot answer letters individually.
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