My fiancé and his sister care for their 100-year-old aunt. She lives alone, but has a sitter at night. She has one son, who lives across the country and calls her daily.But he only swindles her out of money. Only recently did my fiancé find out that this 70-year-old son and his wife took over $100,000 from his mother in just a few years — all the life savings her husband left for her to live on, her crooked son has taken everything!
She has, maybe, $800 in the bank. They have begged her to stop giving to him, but she says, “I can’t.” Recently, a cousin was visiting her and heard her son threaten to put her in a nursing home if she didn’t send his check by Friday! I say they call the authorities and press charges! My fiancé called last week and confronted the son, but of course he hung up on him. Then minutes later his wife texted and made threats. It’s horrible!
What to do?
Concerned Onlooker
Dear Concerned,
This sounds like an unfortunate case of analysis paralysis.
The family knows — as much as they can — what is happening, but nobody has taken action, and nobody appears to have contacted your fiancé’s aunt’s bank, the authorities or other organizations that can intervene and help seniors who are emptying their bank accounts and signing documents under coercive control from a family member, friend or, in some instances, even a caregiver.
Financial institutions are required to keep their eyes, ears and algorithms peeled for unusual transactions, particularly with older customers, but those transactions often go undetected. The Federal Trade Commission estimates that older Americans lose up to $61.5 billion a year in all kinds of financial fraud. Your relative should have a trusted power of attorney handle her affairs.
The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, an independent government agency, gives a list of organizations to contact (there’s more on that below). “Some states have laws to help survivors of financial abuse file cases in civil court to recover their money,” the CFPB says, while others can temporarily freeze bank accounts or put a hold on property transfers to stop the financial abuse.
“You may also be able to file a case in civil court to request a ‘restraining order’ or ‘order of protection,’” the CFPB adds. In this case, you would do so against this woman’s abusive son and his partner. “A judge can issue one of these orders, which says the perpetrator can no longer contact your loved one. This can help separate the perpetrator from your loved one and prevent further harm.”
They have bullied, harassed and abused your fiancé’s mother, and they will continue to do so unless they are stopped.
This is a textbook case of elder financial abuse. The abuser is often a person you most trust. A MetLife study on elder abuse found that women were nearly twice as likely as men to be victims of elder financial abuse. Most victims were over 80, like your fiancé’s aunt, lived alone and required some level of help with either healthcare or home maintenance — again like your fiancé’s aunt. But no one is 100% safe.
“In almost all of the cases, there existed a combination of tenuous, valued independence and observable vulnerability that merged in the lives of victims to optimize opportunities for abuse by every type of perpetrator — from the closest family members to professional criminals,” the study concluded.
Elder financial abuse, the MetLife researchers added, appears to fall into the categories of “occasion, desperation and predation” — or opportunity, financial greed and, in this case, family ties to leverage. There will be a trail of transactions and/or cash withdrawals, which may or may not be difficult to trace back to your fiancé’s aunt’s son and partner. It’s always harder to retrieve money after the fact.
It’s hard to enlist the long (or short) arm of the law against family members, but they won’t stop until somebody stands up to them. They have bullied, harassed and abused your fiancé’s mother, and they will continue to do so unless they are stopped. Just because your fiancé’s mother has acquiesced to their wishes does not mean a crime is not being committed.
In the meantime, make sure she has a last will and testament. She is 100 years old, after all, and may have property and other assets that are immediately out of reach. Gather her documents and ensure that she has not been coerced into signing a transfer-on-death deed naming her abusive son as a beneficiary. If he has already taken $100,000, he will surely be eyeing the rest of her estate.
Stopping any further damage is a priority, as he’s been chipping away at his mother’s finances for years.
Elder abuse, including neglect and exploitation, is experienced by about one in 10 older adults aged 60 and over who live at home, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Such abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or psychological, financial or negligent.
Anyone who suspects their loved one is experiencing elder abuse can visit the Eldercare Locator website or call 1-800-677-1116 to report concerns. The Eldercare Locator is a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging. Adult Protective Services (APS) is a social services program with branches in each state.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
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